A Family Affair (Part 2)

So, following Ye Old Family reunion, I am thrilled to announce that, I am by proof of writing, still alive. Therefore proving that either the murderous stats (unlike Shakira’s hips) do indeed lie, or I caught my family on a particularly well-behaved evening. Either ways, it’s a positive outcome, and there hasn’t been a jot of murder blighting my family’s good name. PHEW!

But tendencies away from murder to one side, this weekend was an overwhelmingly positive one. There is something very special about gathering the family together, and boy did we gather. We had over 140 members of the Keane family, all descending from a troop of 9 (or was it 11)? siblings born in Wexford, Ireland at the turn of the 20th century. And all that Catholic breeding meant A LOT of descendants. 

The oldest (90) & youngest (14 months)
in the room. That's your future kid,
no wonder you're looking scared.

They came from far and wide hailing from Australia, France, Canada and Holland with ages ranging from 14 months to 90 years old. Stories were aired & compared and scandals widely discussed, from the cousin who held his trouser up with string to salacious scandals, to my particular favourite was that of Cousin Willie, a seemingly undiscriminating kinda man who went to the wilds of Canada. Upon his arrival in Canada he sent back to Ireland for his fiancée but one can only imagine his surprise when his fiancée’s sister turned up instead, the fiancée herself preferring to stay in the Emerald Isle. Cousin Willie being the indifferent man he apparently was, decided one sister was as good as another and married her on the spot. This unfussiness with women seems to be a common theme that soon unveiled itself with the story of another cousin who got 2 women up the duff and had to turn to his local priest for advice on which to marry and which to ditch. An early 20th Century version of Snog, Marry, Avoid it seems… except without much avoiding.

So apart from a love of the horizontal hide the sausage (& I retell these tales in the understanding these people have long passed), were there any other traits I could easily discern from last week’s reunion?  Well the fact that most there, including myself, had a penchant for drinking came as no surprise. I hate to turn to national stereotypes but it was in Ireland after all… Also, I can’t help but mention what seemed an almost universal inability to hold a tune. There was the odd exception, however let it be said, we are not musically endowed our family. However, we don’t let it hold us back as anyone who has seen me after 5 drinks near a karaoke machine will attest….

Teaching Nan the ways of the selfie.
 And failing it seems

And of course, while we’re not belting out one song to the tune of another, I have discovered us Keane descendants do like a chat (though my friends will undoubtedly say that is no great surprise). My 90-year-old grandma is a prime example, she may not be able to see the person she is talking at so well, nor hear their responses but that didn’t stop her!  She was up well past her bedtime every evening, and had to practically be dragged out of the reunion at nearly midnight (the latest she’s stayed up in many a year). Fortunately for such matters, she is wheelchair bound so although dragging wasn’t strictly necessary, the power of a swift wheelie came in very handy. At one point she was telling me about one particular family member who was (according to my nan) not present, thankfully it seems due to her having the condition of “a bell on every tooth”. Nope, I’d never heard that one either, but on further interrogation I discovered it means that not only does someone like to chat, but they do so at full volume. 

So all I can say is watch out world, judging by the volume of clattering and chattering at the Keane family reunion, this is one trait that has hit every generation on the way down, and as far as I’m concerned, long may it continue. For this is my clan, and I'm proud to be part of it.

Great grandfather Tom Keane. From whence I've sprung

It's A Family Affair

Please excuse any typos on this here blog post, for as I write I am currently chugging my way across the notoriously turbulent Irish sea....  Yes, the pipes, the pipes are indeed calling for I am off to the land of my forefathers (and foremothers too natch, lets not be sexist). But why am I returning from the land from whence I came (ok, my grandparents came)? Well it's a 50/50 split really. Primarily because it's time to reenact that age old tradition of The Family Reunion, and secondarily to assist my dear mother with the primary care of my rather aged, much loveable grandma.

Now, ito my recollection it's been near on 34 years since the last family reunion, and since I am a mere 35 years old at time of writing the recollection itself is somewhat shaky, if not impossible. In fact, the only evidence I have of said reunion is a picture of the day taken by my grandmother, of me & my brother sat on my mothers knee. On the reverse of said photo is my grandmother's near indecipherable writing dating the picture to 1978. Those of the mathematical persuasion may by now have figured out that I wasn't even born in 1978 (am an 80s child, as all the best are), so either that baby is an imposter or my nan's maths is way off.  As far as I can gather from that previous reunion, much fun was had and the only scandal to air was that of my 3 year old brother licking the vinegar off all the pickled onions (it was the 80s remember, am sure pineapple and cheese on sticks also made an appearance) just before they were consumed by the haplessly unawares extended members of my family. Fortunately no after effects were experienced, or at least if they were, they haven't as yet made their way into the annals of family history

But pickled onion licking is the least of my worries at this reunion, as I recently stumbled across some FBI figures relating to just how dangerous families can be (don't ask.... my search history is a veritable cornucopia of useless facts). According to said stats, in 2009 as much as 25% of US murders were committed by family members of the victim.  This increases even more when you include murders by spouses/ partners. WOWZERS... 25%? You gotta be kidding me! Families are chuffing lethal! And considering that we appear to have almost 150 members of our family pitching up to this event from as far away as Australia and Canada (we'll have more flags on display than a UN convention), perhaps I ought to be fearing for my life instead of merrily chucking back a pint of Strongbow at the ferry bar in an effort to combat seasickness.  

My only consolation thus far is the person organising this reunion is a detective with the Dublin police force, so if we're not in safe hands then at least our murders have a higher than average chance of being solved.... I hope. And if not, then perhaps I ought to have sent that imposter in my place after all.