Right, first off,
terrorism bad, obvs... but also foolish. It doesn't work with us Brits and if you think so
you're a numpty. Your mate who agrees with you is a numpty. Whoever
condones, sanctions or concurs with your whacked out ideas is a numpty. The list of numpties
goes on, you lot are taking the numpty biscuits, and frankly anyone
that sounds like a cross between an angry potato and a rather
uncomfortable chair, well, you can't scare me, so big fail fail to
you, you NUMPTY.
Secondly, lets address
a few things. What you did in recent weeks was vile. Goes without
saying (even though I've just said it). But what you ain't reckoning on is us Brits. I know it's been
said before, we've experienced terrorism before and probably will do
again thanks to your your numpty rumpty ways. But let me count things
down for you.
So, to London.
I mean, douchebag, we've been here before!! Before you lot and your
backward ways, before the IRA, before the Nazis, hell, people have
attempted to destroy my home town more than I can remember, and
certainly more than you can, what with your brain the size of a
mentally deficient fruit fly. Jeepers, people have been trying to
have it since James I's time (or VI of Scotland, lets not leave out
our Caledonian chums) and then some, have they knocked us down yet?
Have they heck! Instead our house prices just go up, our
population expands, and people flood to this city the world over for good
times & to create lives they want to live.... in freedom. Think
you're gonna defeat us? I think not you bellend. The only things we
get defeated by are (& not necessarily in this order)
- Leaves on the line
- Snow on the line
- Most things on the line
- Pret running out of them lovely cheese and ham toasties before lunchtime (rare, but it has happened. Mmmm, I love them toasties. Think it must be the mustard)
Top Shop on a Saturday- Tube strikes (even then we're not defeated, more just pissed off cos, y'know, queues....)
- House prices
- People walking slowly down Oxford Street
- Buses changing destinations without any good reason WHATSOEVER. FFS. I mean, who does that?
- Annoying kids listening to shit music out loud without even the grace and decency of a headphone (NB am sure this is not restricted to London alone, just decent minded people the world over)
See your name here
buddy? See your actions or your consequences? You think you're putting off people from coming to my HOME TOWN?? Hellll no, and the
fact you think you will see your name in my top ten just goes to show
what an absolute numpty you are. There. I said it again. Numpty.
Now to Manchester. I was
blessed enough to live up them there northern ways for a few years,
and I learned a lot you could do with taking a note of. First of
all Mancunians are hilarious. I mean, these are a people who despite
your efforts to hurt them, went out and got their own skins
permanently (and painfully) etched with a tattoo just to flick you
the bird (or the working bee as it happens). D'you hear that? In
response to you trying to hurt them, they went and hurt themselves as
protest? Not only a fantastic sense of humour, but they're hard as
nails, don't f*ck with them.
And speaking of comedy,
this is a town where it essentially pisses down with rain
approximately 98% of the year, but yet create some of the most joyous
things you could put in your ears ever. They create epic music known
the world over, I mean, have you listened to some of it? The Stone
Roses, Joy Division, Oasis, Elbow, fuck, they've even got a band
called the Happy Mondays. Essentially a band named after being chirpy
on the worst day of the week! And if Mondays aint gonna lower the
mood of a Mancunian, you think you are? Pffft. You've never been to
Manchester have you?
It's a part of the world that
puts pies in bread rolls just for japes and call it dinner. If cholesterol
and heart attacks don't phase them, you and your small minded (if
somewhat explodey) activities come way down the list on scary things
they'll encounter that day, and don't even get me started on their mushy
peas... But how did Manchester respond to your toe-rag activities?
Well, they all became even better mates, helping each other out, and
throwing a massive bloody concert to have a good time, probably
getting a wee bit tiddly in the process and turning up for work late
the next day. Take that literally, and party.
So while the North and South may divide themselves on flat vowels, HS2, how much to pay for
a pint and football (it's always football) one thing we do agree on
is you, and how we ain't taking your shit. Northern or Southern we
aint got time for that nonsense. We're too busy enjoying our lives,
listening to good music, eating pies (bread rolls not withstanding),
hooning it down the street with a pint in our hands (while not
spilling a drop) and generally revelling in the freedom that our country gives
us. So eff off you twat, and take all your twatty mates with you, we
have no time for you or your foolhardy shenanigans, and even less
inclination.
Fucking numpty.
