Audrie, Daisy and Paige

So, today is a day like most others. Starting off with a bit of faffing, an abashed opening the door to the postman while STILL in my dressing gown (he's used to this by now) and a flick through the papers online over a pre work cuppa, and it was here (in the Guardian natch) where I read a small article which has kinda thrown my thoughts outta whack for the day. You see, it was an article about a new Netflix documentary coming up, and the subject being the violent sexual attacks on 2 american school girls. It's not so much Netflix and chill as Netflix and be rather disturbed, and really one should be disturbed. After all we hear a lot abut these kind of incidents, from your Brock Turners to the rather strange (in the UK at least) worlds of Greek frathouse parties, and none of it appears to be very good, for either the young men or young women growing up nowadays.

The stories of these girls (Audrie, Daisy and Paige) are disturbingly similar despite the very big geographic and cultural differences in these girls lives. They were young (Audrie aged 15, Daisy aged 14 & Paige just 13 years old ), went to a party with their school friends, all imbibed alcohol, and got raped (by their 'friends' I remind you). The young women in question, girls still, were subsequently bullied non stop on social media, victim blamed, their families vilified, abused and attacked. But there is difference... as a result of the online and offline bullying Audrie was on the end of, she killed herself, whereas despite several attempts at the same, Daisy is still alive and tells her horrific tale with Paige. Geez, I think back to my school years where I also got bullied pretty much throughout, I'd never want that experience again, but kids nowadays? With all the social media bullying that goes on, the torment that doesn't even stop when you cross over your doorstep into your home that should be your sanctuary? God, these poor kids. There simply is no escape, I feel so hard for them.

But why did this strike a chord today of all days? I'm not sure. Perhaps it is due to several recent exposures of misogyny on Twitter (verbal, not dick pics I hasten to add) that I've had in recent weeks. Also it's part down to several conversations I've had on dates recently, meeting questions such a as 'is the fight for female equality really so necessary any more?', 'does rape culture really exist?' and 'c'mon, it's not like sexual harassment is such a problem nowadays is it?'. To which the answers are obviously 'yes', 'yes', and for the third time, errrrr 'yes'.

It struck a further chord, being of the age I am now, seeing as I have lots of friends who are raising young children. And I have some great male friends who are being fantastic fathers, bringing boys and girls into this world and teaching them the ways of it. And while I'm sure that these great men (& women!) will be raising great sons (and I'm sure teaching them about the ways of consent, relationships, and what being a man is truly about), it is for their daughters I fear. For despite the many decades passing since the bra burning of the 60s and 70s, I'm still being asked these questions of whether equality is really such an issue, and it IS. Because of this, I am sure that many new dads of daughters the world over will be looking at things in a new light. They may be realising that the world absolutely still is a scary place for women, an unequal place for women, for while Audrie, Paige and Daisy were being attacked by entitled young men, those same young men were nigh on guaranteed protection for their crimes, all as a reward for their triumphs of teenage athleticism (we all remember Brock Turner). Disgusting isn't it?

It's interesting to note that apparently one indicator that’s likely to have a major impact on a man’s response when you ask him about gender inequality: whether or not he has a daughter. Dads with daughters are far more likely to likely to champion the cause of women than those with sons I think, and this is played out in the evidence. Researchers at the University of British Columbia discovered that fathers who do their share of the housework raise daughters who aspire to broader career goals, including in traditionally male-dominated, often higher paid fields. Another example can be found in a Danish study which revealed that male CEOs who have daughters are more likely to close the gender pay gap at their companies.

Now, I'm not saying that Audrie, Paige and Daisy didn't have feminist dads who didn't advise them well enough about just how unequal this world is, and how they can mitigate it. Far from it. For it is with young MEN that these conversations need to be had, not with young women. Every woman knows the fear of walking home late at night, and know that should she get attacked, there will be people tutting that she deserved it (I know I felt like people would do the same when I got sexually assaulted on one summer's day in a low cut top). After all, it's dark out, or she was wearing a short skirt, or she shouldn't have had that last glass of wine or, or or.....! Where are these people having that same conversation with the young men of the world? It's not to do with skirt length, alcohol or how well lit the road is, it's about rape. Taking something that is not yours. Taking it without consent. Your entitlement being more valued than someone else's lifetime of trauma. It's not about talking to your daughters, it's about talking to your sons. And until those conversations happen the world over, until (some!) men stop taking what they feel entitled to, there will always be a Paige, a Daisy or an Audrie, and this saddens me.

So while I don't look forward to watching this Netflix documentary (due to be released on 23^rd September fact fans), I will be. It's no popcorn and fizzy pop feel good movie that's for sure, it's a depressing condemnation of the society that many young people are growing up in right now. But one can only hope that while it may not feel good, hopefully it will do some good, for the sake of young women everywhere.

P.S Normal blogging services of Sophie's life o pitfalls will resume shortly, and I hope you don't mind this minor distraction on the way.