Every super heroine needs her pyjamas

As we all know, Christmas is coming and the goose is getting well fat, as are the wallets of toy manufacturers the world over. Why is this of interest to me I hear you wonder? (I don’t really but I like to have an imaginary voice in my head as I type out my tea & biscuits fuelled rants) Well, toys are a bit of a thing for me of late, well toys and kiddy accouterment, because I’m in the market for a present and frankly, its gotta be a good one.

Regular readers of my blog may be aware that I have a very dear friend who has a keen interest in kids toys, for she is after all, a child herself. That’s right, it’s my 5-year-old chum Ellie who last appeared in this blog back in July when I was driven near mad by her keen interest in loom bands. And while my less than nimble fingers (along with my sanity) barely survived the loom band incident in question, our friendship is going from strength to strength. In my mind, such a friendship deserves Christmas gifts and it is here that I have arrived at my quandary.

You see Ellie is a complex creature. She casts off the 5 year old sized shackles of gender stereotyping with a passion for robots and dinosaurs in addition to dresses and sparkles. She does have a Barbie, but given that she recently introduced said doll to me as ‘Skanky Barbie’ I think any hopes Mattel might have for her as a brand ambassador would be sadly misplaced. But she is a brilliant little girl, and being the feminist that I proudly am I wish to encourage not only her brilliance, but also her wide ranging interests to grow up to be the fantastic young woman I know she will eventually be. So with all this in mind, I knew I needed something good from me (via Santa) this year.

Innit. I'd be angry too kid.

Now there has been a lot in the news about ‘toys for girls’ of late. Whether it is letters to or from Lego, photos of the thankfully now removed Tesco's signs also featuring a rather annoyed 7 year old girl, or news of Barbie’s complete failure to design computer games, instead handing them over to the superior brains of Steven & Brian to actually make it work (hat tip to Pamela Ripon for that one http://pamie.com/2014/11/barbie-fucks-it-up-again/) gifts for young ladies have been making the headlines. And frankly after my recent foray into sourcing a halfway decent present for Ellie, I can see why. 

Boys get science, slime and superheroes. On the other hand, the toy aisles (for girls!) are littered with pink & purple infused gifts dedicated solely to anatomically impossible dolls, hair, more dolls, shopping, makeup and yes, you’ve guessed it, even more more dolls. On a side note, don’t even get me started on Barbie herself.... Did you know that if she were a real person, based on her upscaled to human measurements she would be she would be 5’9” tall, have a 39” bust, an 18” waist and 33” hips? Thereby ensuring a BMI of 16.24, fitting the weight criteria for anorexia & making her likely unable to menstruate? Or the fact that if she was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions? Grumble grumble. Ellie’s Skanky Barbie epithet is too good for her I say, but I digress….

Am not sure which is stranger,
her impossibly massive boobs or
her impossibly tiny head?

Anyways, where was I? Ah yes. Shopping… Well I am sorry to say, the clothes aisle is no better. Little girls get t-shirts or pyjamas saying ‘Mummy’s little Angel’ or those featuring either cute fluffy animals with twee little faces or the members of One Direction (less cute fluffy animals than hormone riddled teenage ones) whereas boys get Superman, Batman or Iron Man. All certainly, if not role models, then at least strong, heroic, relatively moral characters to idolize or impersonate. What does it say about women that their only clothing based icons are mummy, a strangely dressed fox/cat/puppy or men? IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR WONDER WOMAN PYJAMAS I ASK YOU? No (just in case you were confused by my ranting), it is not.

So what does that leave me with? Where are the female superheroes? The science? The slime? The EXPLOSIONS? (apart from this explosive rage, natch) Well, over in the US they have made a good start with Lammily, the genetically more probable anti Barbie, who is apparently based on the proportions of the average 19-year-old American woman and for whom you can buy stick on ‘flaws’ including bruises, grass stains and teenage acne. However, at $25 + $13.95 shipping to the UK and a Christmas cut off date of umm, tomorrow, that is an increasingly unrealistic gift for my Ellie, so it looks like a hand crafted superwoman pyjama set it is. Apologies in advance Ellie for my loose stitching, saggy hems and wonky superhero badge. I do hope you’ll understand in years to come and appreciate that just like Lammily we all have our flaws, it's just a complete ineptitude at sewing is one of mine.

Lammily.
The future face of feminism rocks double denim